So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My cat gives me a boner
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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