I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
