I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
