I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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