I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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