Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
