he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
