dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
