my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
