At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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