ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
