Buhtt sex?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
