I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
