I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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