You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
