dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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