Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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