we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
