if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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