She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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