it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
