Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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