are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
