His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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