He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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