$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
