with your own penis?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
