you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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