there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
