oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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