So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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