we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
