Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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