She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
