I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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