allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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