my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
