party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
