Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
