so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
