tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
operation have a gay friend backfired
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
