I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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