I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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