i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
