I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
