when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
