Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
