Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
