why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
