In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
