Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
