I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
