He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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