I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
