oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
