STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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