The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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