So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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