I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I just sharted jello shots
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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