Pants 0. Shit 1.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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