Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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