I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
