Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
