You work out of a Hotel?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
