If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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