my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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