More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My ATM looks so different sober.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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