I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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