i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
