My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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