I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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