Your dad touched me again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
