Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
