Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
